Rockslides, Wal-Mart, and Things Becoming New

We (Sarah, Leah, Eli, and I) finally arrived in Ponce, Puerto Rico on 06.06.10 and we were excited to stay with Senoras Carmen and Annie--our Puerto Rican mamas. They took really great care of us during the few days we had for camp setup and prep. Things have been pretty crazy around here lately--not really what I expected when I came down here in March with Bryant to organize some details, but even though things haven't gone as planned (really for the most part), it's been better than we could've ever set it up to be.

This first week we've got three groups here--The Rock Church, 28 people, from Fenton, MI, First Presbyterian Church of Conroe, 32 people, from Conroe, TX, and Indianapolis Baptist Temple, 10 people, from Indianapolis, IN--who have been incredibly gracious and flexible, even through the chaos of rockslides shutting down the major highway to Adjuntas (where we have dinner and worship every night). We've got groups serving all over Ponce (a community called Belgica near downtown and at Primera Iglesia Metodista de Ponce for VBS) and in Adjuntas at the El Nuevo Hogar Boys Home painting in the interior walls and working on an exterior kitchen. This summer TEAMeffort's theme verse is "therefore, if any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come" (2 Cor 5:17), something I personally need to be reminded of everyday, especially as our staff receives groups week-after-week, which can become really comfortable and something we just breeze over. So far, we've spend almost every night at Wal-Mart (or at least some part of the day there). My goal for the summer is to try and post quite a bit and let everyone know what's going on down here in Puerto Rico.

A picture of the beautiful city of Ponce

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

-"By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North

These words have rung true in my life over the course of the last several months. But when I hear this song by Tenth Avenue North I find myself wondering whether they could possibly be true. Could God really do this? Did he really do this, for me? Are his hands really going to hold me? Why am I looking for love, when I've found everything I need? God is good and has proved that he's faithful, but even though he's faithful to us, we have a hard time being faithful to him. Why is that?

I had a great day yesterday, just thinking and dreaming. Hearing Woo share words about his friend, Julie, hit home. I remembered Kyle and Clay when he told her story. I remembered the last moments I spent with them, I remembered all the things that were said I remembered the people they were, and most importantly I remembered whose they were. May we never forget the small things that God gives us. May we continue to see his hand at work in our lives, in the big and small. He is always by our side.

Random thoughts on John 21:1-22

I figure now that I'm in Divinity school I should probably start writing...

Today at Grace Community Church in Raleigh, Pastor Robin preached on John 21:1-22 and the baggage that we carry around in our lives from past mistakes, situations, relationships, and sins. It's funny because I'm pretty sure that I've read through the Gospels before, but don't remember this story at all.

A couple chapters back, the writer of John describes Jesus crucifixion under Pilate, but in chapter 21 we have little mention of Jesus' death. Strange, but I don't think this is a coincidence. We see that the tomb is empty and that Jesus has appeared to a lot of people -- Mary Magdalene, his disciples, and specifically to good ol' Thomas -- but then we have this narrative of Jesus appearing to his disciples again as this unrecognizable figure (don't know if it was their prescription lenses or he was just being Jesus) near the Sea of Galilee (or Sea of Tiberias). We find out that his disciples have been gathered together, with doors locked "for fear of the Jews." (John 20:19) I can imagine the disciples being super nervous, maybe even more nervous than I was last night during the Oklahoma-Miami game as the Sooners marched down the field, and Peter has this great idea that he's going to go fishing and they all decide to come along. But like all good fishermen, they catch nothing that night on the sea. I'm a lot like Peter and would probably have wanted to get away too and just be outside away from the things that were hanging over my head.

Jesus calls out to them from the shore and says friends (interesting), haven't you caught anything? And the disciples randomly respond to him, nope, and Jesus has this arbitrary request for them to throw their nests on the right side of the boat (were they just fishing off the left side of the boat?, doubt it). The disciple throw the nests over, possibly in desperation after a long night of no fish, or maybe because they're starting to realize it's him (in v. 7, they actually do realize it's him), and their nests couldn't even support the catch. Once, Peter finally gets the memo and jumps in the water to swim to where Jesus is (about a 100 yard swim, we see Peter the tri-athlete here) and the other disciples follow behind in the boat. Peter seems to have just had to take the plunge into the water after Jesus; Peter is all over the place, kind of like we all are at different points in our lives. Jesus then tells the disciples to bring some fish on shore and...have breakfast? Jesus takes the bread and the fish (maybe symbolizing the Last Supper with the bread? or maybe even the feeding of the 5,000+, when Jesus multiplied the food for all those people and now does the same for the disciples?)

Jesus then addresses Peter directly as to whether he loves Jesus or not, strangely enough as Simon, son of John, as he did when he called him and his brother Andrew (before he gave him the name, Peter or Cephas). Jesus repeats this same statement three times (he had also appeared to the disciples three times so far since his death) and Peter repeats that he does, but it seems like Peter really hasn't internalized this idea, yeah he loves Jesus, but has it made it from his mind, his lips, to his heart yet? And Jesus keeps telling Peter, well if you love me you'll "feed my lambs" and "take care of my sheep" like any good shepherd would do. So Jesus reminds Peter of who he is and foreshadows Peter's death and then says "Follow me!" like he continually reminds his disciples. We find out more about Peter and his relationship with Jesus in v. 20-22. Peter sees "the disciple whom Jesus loved" and says well what about him, Jesus? What about him? This might be the most interesting part of the entire concluding narrative.

This narrative of the disciples almost being in exile because of their fear of the Jews showed me a lot about who I am. When I'm honest with myself, I am Peter in my life more times than I'd like to admit. Peter is all over the place. He's just denied Jesus three times (by his words alone? or his actions? or maybe a little of both?) when confronted about his knowing Jesus and is probably playing that scene over and over in his mind, recounting every detail, remembering every word that was said, the smell in the air; everything was leading back to the moment in his mind when Jesus said he'd do what he now did. I've run through scenes just like this in mind many times thinking: Why'd I say that? Why'd I act like that? Did that reflect the way I live/want to live my life? How is it that I can act a certain way in public, but then in private? Or how can I be serving on a mission trip one day, then fighting with a girlfriend and using harsh words on the next? It's interesting how Jesus doesn't really focus on the pass when speaking with Peter either, he just asks him whether he loves him or not, or in other words, does what Peter says match up with what his heart and his life are saying and showing. I'm a lot like Peter.

It seems pretty clear that Peter's got some serious baggage that he's carrying along with him. He's like that family that you see at the airport that is traveling for a week that has packed their house up and placed it in these gigantic bags like they're staying for the next three years. Ha, that reminds me so much of traveling around this summer, good times. But what can Peter do with all this baggage that he's caring along? We've all got stuff that we're carrying around too, probably more stuff than we realize even. We carry all this stuff for most of our lives and don't really take the time to think about it or to deal with it, we just keep collecting it, but eventually it dominates our lives. The only solution is to "live through the cross in light of the resurrection" rather than just living at the foot of the cross, as Pastor Robin put it. We have to move all this junk out of our way and make it a point to deal with these difficult things from our past that, in most cases, still haunt us to this day. We have to let it go. We have to put it on that preverbal conveyor belt and get rid of it. We need to recover from all the mess in our lives, all the confusion, and trust that Jesus is who he says he is. It's so easy to speak words of truth, but it's really hard to act them out in our daily lives, I've struggled with this everyday since becoming a Christian in 2002. It's tough. It's uncomfortable. It's unsettling. But like Peter sometimes we've got to look stupid and jump in the water and leave the bags behind. It's not easy. It's not all nice and packaged. It's usually difficult and tricky, but it's worthwhile. We are called to "follow," not to lead, but to follow. That's hard for me to understand, but through getting rid of the bags that I'm carrying it seems to be a lot easier to look to have Sabbath and reflect on where Christ is leading me, right here, right now. I'm going to take the plunge today, we'll see what happens.